about principles of recovery
I'm only now understanding that I need other 12 step meetings for my daily survival and growth. It's pretty easy to go to meetings devoted to keeping alcohol at bay. It's more difficult to go to those devoted to helping me keep fear and judgement at bay. Those feelings are so familiar, I barely notice when they take over and begin to insinuate themselves into every portion of my life.
The emotional form of the disease of alcoholism is just as "cunning, baffling and powerful" as the alcohol form. And so I am starting to viscerally understand that my quality of life is dependent on the extent to which I work my program.
I was initially attracted to 12 step when I realized that it could help me deal with the alcoholics in my life - active and recovering. As I watched people with time in program, I realized I didn't actually have to deal with the alcoholics in my life, I could deal with my own life and the alcoholics would be part of, not the focus of, my life. It would be MY life, instead of my life as a function of the alcoholic's life. That was VERY attractive to me.
I was especially attracted to the consistent members - those who attended meetings and shared because program was their lifeline, their home, their support, come thick or thin, good times and difficult. In my fledgling days, I began to think uncharitably about those people who only came to meetings during a crisis and then disappeared when things got better. They took and didn't give. That was NOT attractive to me. I liked the people who lived the axiom "you can'tkeep it unless you give it away."
Oops. As always, I have become the very person I judged.
I have to laugh at myself for being so predictable and so human. Myjudgements always come home to roost. And in the spirit of humility, I try to use these experiences to develop compassion for myself and others. As the preamble says "we aren't perfect."
Now that I realize this, too, I can amend my behavior and begin showing up consistently. I can be one of those people whose attendance ensures that a meeting can happen, whose sharing provides an example of the principles, and whose participation allows someone else to be attracted to the program.
The emotional form of the disease of alcoholism is just as "cunning, baffling and powerful" as the alcohol form. And so I am starting to viscerally understand that my quality of life is dependent on the extent to which I work my program.
I was initially attracted to 12 step when I realized that it could help me deal with the alcoholics in my life - active and recovering. As I watched people with time in program, I realized I didn't actually have to deal with the alcoholics in my life, I could deal with my own life and the alcoholics would be part of, not the focus of, my life. It would be MY life, instead of my life as a function of the alcoholic's life. That was VERY attractive to me.
I was especially attracted to the consistent members - those who attended meetings and shared because program was their lifeline, their home, their support, come thick or thin, good times and difficult. In my fledgling days, I began to think uncharitably about those people who only came to meetings during a crisis and then disappeared when things got better. They took and didn't give. That was NOT attractive to me. I liked the people who lived the axiom "you can'tkeep it unless you give it away."
Oops. As always, I have become the very person I judged.
I have to laugh at myself for being so predictable and so human. Myjudgements always come home to roost. And in the spirit of humility, I try to use these experiences to develop compassion for myself and others. As the preamble says "we aren't perfect."
Now that I realize this, too, I can amend my behavior and begin showing up consistently. I can be one of those people whose attendance ensures that a meeting can happen, whose sharing provides an example of the principles, and whose participation allows someone else to be attracted to the program.
posted by julieannerickson at 3:13 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home