about anonymity in 12 step programs
AA's 12th Tradition (used in other 12-step programs):
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Tradition 12 seems like a Step to me. It's so spiritual in its focus on anonymity. Someone said it well: "What is shared in meetings is more important than who said it."
The hard part for me is to remember that I, too, am a personality. When I start thinking that what I share is really important, people really need to hear me, blah blah blah ... well, I've put my own personality before the very principles I am attempting to convey. I become the great "I am" and start to think of myself as being uniquely capable of transmitting the message of recovery. Suddenly, I've convinced myself that I am the person everyone needs to hear!
Sure. Snore. How incredibly boring. Yet predictable.
As a lifelong people-pleaser, caretaker, enabler, mind-reader and problem-fixer, I am incredibly susceptible to believing my own propaganda. It gives me a reason to live. Plus I get such a rush from being indispensable. Of course, pretty soon someone lets me know that I am really very dispensable, and my input or advice isn't needed, thank you very much.
I'm pretty sure I set the stage for that when I don't go to meetings regularly. When I go to meetings, I am reminded that I am one among many. This is truly a "we" program. Only by straying from the meetings do I start to think this is an "I" program.
My perspective is great and will help some people and others, not so much. Maybe I will help them someday, or maybe never. The point is that there are so many other terrific people in the rooms and on-line that can help me and other people. We all help one another in 12-Step programs. I don't do it by myself. For that, I am grateful.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
Tradition 12 seems like a Step to me. It's so spiritual in its focus on anonymity. Someone said it well: "What is shared in meetings is more important than who said it."
The hard part for me is to remember that I, too, am a personality. When I start thinking that what I share is really important, people really need to hear me, blah blah blah ... well, I've put my own personality before the very principles I am attempting to convey. I become the great "I am" and start to think of myself as being uniquely capable of transmitting the message of recovery. Suddenly, I've convinced myself that I am the person everyone needs to hear!
Sure. Snore. How incredibly boring. Yet predictable.
As a lifelong people-pleaser, caretaker, enabler, mind-reader and problem-fixer, I am incredibly susceptible to believing my own propaganda. It gives me a reason to live. Plus I get such a rush from being indispensable. Of course, pretty soon someone lets me know that I am really very dispensable, and my input or advice isn't needed, thank you very much.
I'm pretty sure I set the stage for that when I don't go to meetings regularly. When I go to meetings, I am reminded that I am one among many. This is truly a "we" program. Only by straying from the meetings do I start to think this is an "I" program.
My perspective is great and will help some people and others, not so much. Maybe I will help them someday, or maybe never. The point is that there are so many other terrific people in the rooms and on-line that can help me and other people. We all help one another in 12-Step programs. I don't do it by myself. For that, I am grateful.
Labels: 12-step programs, anonymity, ego deflation, groups, recovery, spiritual
posted by julieannerickson at 4:17 PM
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