about writing a novel

I’ve always wanted to write a novel. The only obstacle: I don’t know what to write about. I feel hindered by a lack of imagination.

Is it that I don’t have a good imagination? My dreams certainly are full of image and drama. And I have an infinite capacity to imagine disaster and project disappointment. I fantasize often about the love of my life, the house of my dreams, the wealth I desire. I just don’t think I have the “right” imagination. Whatever that means. To be explored…

Is it that I lack the patience to craft a fictional account of my life or dreams? I certainly have patience to do many other things – write on my blog, decorate for Christmas, shop for clothes and gifts, research bizarre and ordinary topics for my own interest, read book after book after book, do sudoku and crossword puzzles. Yes, I have patience.

Is it that I lack discipline? Well, I do lack a certain kind of discipline - to MAKE myself do things every day in the sense of a routine, as in "I write every day from 9 to 12." What I do have is integrity, a strong in-bred or in-born sense of deadlines and what it takes to do something, a willingness to work hard when there are outside accountabilities. And I am discovering that I do have inner motivation and drive to act in pursuit of my recently discovered and articulated goals. So discipline may not be what I need. Maybe I simply need to tap into and keep expressing that inner motivation and drive. When my passion is awoken, I engage fully in pursuit of that passion. I crave the “flow” state, when time does not exist and I am my task.

OK, back to that “to be explored” paragraph. What do I think of when I think “right” imagination? I think of what engages me, interests me. I love learning something new. Spy novels teach me about stealth and secrecy, gadgets and technological capabilities, geo-political realities and nuances, male fantasy, and the puzzles of human minds and motivations. Historical novels teach me about a period of time, its cultural mores, dress, food, pastimes, attitudes, intrigues, geo-political concerns, economic reality, and health concerns (including hygiene). Mysteries allow me to explore the human psyche as I learn about police investigative procedures, life in a particular time and place, and usually a specific topic such as horticulture or hunting or life in the Scottish Highlands or jewelry and art theft. And I admit to enjoying romance novels set in Regency and Victorian England or Scotland. They satisfy two impulses: the drive to learn about other times and places, and to fantasize about my own dream lover.

I’m largely uninterested in most modern novels wherein pathos and despair are explored ad nauseum, or a strangely surreal world is created as thinly-veiled allegory for our own. The modern novels I enjoy are science fiction, science fantasy and pure fantasy – all the young people’s books and book series about dragons and time/place travel. Whole new worlds are created to explore, with new layers revealed as each chapter and book unfolds.

Most modern novels are too depressing for me. I can’t lose myself within them, lest I become depressed from their endless loop of hopelessness. Life itself is difficult enough for me to want to read reflections of it. Probably I give too short shrift to modern writing and could find books that are more hopeful and rewarding. The Red Tent was one such book. While I enjoyed Jane Smiley’s A Thousand Acres, it was depressing as well as well written. I’ve tried some other authors – DeLillo, Roth, Malamud. I do like John Irving. OK, there’s one. I’ll have to give some a try. But so many are pretty heavy going, full of pedantry and disguised punditry, or moralizing finger-wags at some authority figure or institution. I’m not interested in judgments. I’m very happy to be entertained and educated, even to be guided to ethical musings and moral considerations. And that's what I'd love to be able to write!