Wednesday, October 29, 2008

about telling the truth

I just read a wonderful piece that encouraged telling the truth about my eating/overeating. I especially liked this part:

The Higher Power leads us to truth by means
of the Twelve Steps and the program.
Abstinence from compulsive overeating is
necessary in order to stop feeding our
illusions and let the truth come through.
Knowing the truth sets us free.


It tells me that abstinence will allow me to see more clearly who I am, what I need, and what I am capable of. For me, choosing abstinence is taking a huge leap of faith - faith that whatever truth I learn about myself will be good news. I don't have to fear myself and my truth.

I may need to face some uncomfortable and possibly very sad truths about why I've been overeating for so many years. Yet with my HP and my support, I can face these truths with the sure knowledge that they won't destroy me. Instead, I will become stronger, more able to care for myself.

Eating felt like self-love for so long. Now I realize that it is not loving myself to overeat. I'm facing the truth about the health consequences of my weight - if I put myself at risk for diabetes or stroke because of my past eating habits, that is NOT self-love. I can't hide from that truth anymore.

So I begin by being willing to see the truth about my current health status - being honest with myself about it and open with the rest of you. HOW it works: honest, open and willing.

As I continue to eat in a healthy sane way, I get to uncover other truths about me - that I can love myself in healthy ways, that I can own my needs and get them met somehow - as long as I do accept those needs as valid and important. I'm getting an inkling that the eating was a way to deny my own needs, that they even existed. Having not gotten them validated or met, I got the idea that they were wrong and to be denied. Yet I have needs, especially for love! But somehow I made the equation that I could meet my need by filling up with food - instead of risking rejection by seeking love and acceptance from others.

Luckily, these realizations come a day at a time. I am uncovering my truth slowly. I am not being overwhelmed. That helps me trust the process of learning a healthy way of relating to food.

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