Getting out of the binge cycle
How quickly the days pass! I spent the weekend sleeping a lot and then yesterday was on overload emotionally. I did record what I ate and that was a success. AND...I did not binge eat yesterday, nor have I today.
I'm really, really happy about not binging. I take my own suggestion of celebrating and allowing myself to feel good about showing up for myself, about getting back on the path. Something about being around my parents triggers me to go back to the comfort zone of misery. It's as if I'm accustomed to deprivation and "not enough" and "failure" and feeling bad - nothing I do will ever be enough to make me feel happy. At least that's the pattern into which I fall. Having been in 12 step recovery for almost 27 years, I know it's possible for me to be happy. And I have been happy. Happy is more my normal state these days. In the "still growing" category, I see that I have room to grow in terms of allowing myself to be happy around my parents, and to a lesser extent, my siblings. I get to be successful, to have what I want, to feel good about myself.
The other day, my coach asked me whether it served my mother for me to live small and unhappily. It does not. It sells her short. One quote that really touched me was from Nelson Mandela:
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. …And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
And so I am called to play big.
I'm really, really happy about not binging. I take my own suggestion of celebrating and allowing myself to feel good about showing up for myself, about getting back on the path. Something about being around my parents triggers me to go back to the comfort zone of misery. It's as if I'm accustomed to deprivation and "not enough" and "failure" and feeling bad - nothing I do will ever be enough to make me feel happy. At least that's the pattern into which I fall. Having been in 12 step recovery for almost 27 years, I know it's possible for me to be happy. And I have been happy. Happy is more my normal state these days. In the "still growing" category, I see that I have room to grow in terms of allowing myself to be happy around my parents, and to a lesser extent, my siblings. I get to be successful, to have what I want, to feel good about myself.
The other day, my coach asked me whether it served my mother for me to live small and unhappily. It does not. It sells her short. One quote that really touched me was from Nelson Mandela:
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. …And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
And so I am called to play big.
posted by julieannerickson at 2:11 PM
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