about Forgiveness
I was at a seminar this past weekend where I let go of a four-year old resentment against an employer - actually against the people on the Board of Directors who fired me after 11 years, quite abruptly and with great cruelty . Finally, I was able to forgive them because I got it that they did the best they could. It was mean, thoughtless, and quite devastating to me - AND it was the best they could do given who they are, where they were in their own lives. So I forgive them for they truly could not do better.
I also realized that I did the best I could in that situation. I reacted very badly to being treated so horribly, and I've carried around the question "what did I do to deserve this?" I did nothing to deserve that. I forgive myself, too.
Were there metaphysical reasons I drew that experience to me? Probably, and I can learn what they are. More than anything, though, I realize that my time at that organization was over and I needed to move on. Knowing myself, the only way I could move on was by being blasted out of there. And to realize that I could not grow and develop in that environment, that I already was starting to edit myself and keep myself small.
The way I was treated is evidence that the place was too small for me - small people behaving in small ways. I feel so much better when I can be fully myself, as big as I am, as curious and constantly learning as I can be. The program allows me to do that - it's as expansive and welcoming as I need it to be. So I got kicked out of the nest and given ample evidence that I was better off being out of there.
I also realized that I did the best I could in that situation. I reacted very badly to being treated so horribly, and I've carried around the question "what did I do to deserve this?" I did nothing to deserve that. I forgive myself, too.
Were there metaphysical reasons I drew that experience to me? Probably, and I can learn what they are. More than anything, though, I realize that my time at that organization was over and I needed to move on. Knowing myself, the only way I could move on was by being blasted out of there. And to realize that I could not grow and develop in that environment, that I already was starting to edit myself and keep myself small.
The way I was treated is evidence that the place was too small for me - small people behaving in small ways. I feel so much better when I can be fully myself, as big as I am, as curious and constantly learning as I can be. The program allows me to do that - it's as expansive and welcoming as I need it to be. So I got kicked out of the nest and given ample evidence that I was better off being out of there.
posted by julieannerickson at 11:27 AM
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