about happiness
Happiness is a function of two things: attitude and circumstance.
Sometimes, I exist in circumstances that are not conducive to my being happy. Such circumstances are those that seem to force me to behave in ways contrary to my integrity, values, learning style, talents or preferred skills. If a job doesn't allow me to use my best abilities, there's a good chance I won't be happy. If I'm in a relationship with someone who is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive, I probably won't be happy. So to be happy, I need to change my circumstances.
Yet, I wonder if attitude isn't the basic factor in happiness. There's a quote by Abraham Lincoln that "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be." If I decide that I want to be happy, I will seek circumstances that are beneficial to my mental and physical health, that contribute to my further spiritual and social growth, that feel nurturing and positive. For so long, it felt comfortable to be unhappy and complaining about everything around me. It wasn't easy to get to the point where I realized I was the common denominator in all the problems I had or faced. I resisted for many moons the knowledge that I could take action to change my circumstances if I was dissatisfied. It took great pain for me to understand that I could leave dissatisfying relationships, jobs, environs - or I could accept that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and be happy in spite of unsatisfactory circumstances.
When I made the decision to be happy, when it felt more comfortable to be happy than to complain, it became clear that even awful circumstances couldn't make me unhappy. Circumstances no longer had the power to control my mood and attitude. And by accepting where I was and coming to understand why I was in a certain situation, I was finally able to change my circumstances to more salubrious ones. Paradoxically, my decision to be happy no matter what allowed me to create happier circumstances.
This shift in attitude, this desire to seek a state of happiness regardless of circumstance has stood me well as I face circumstances beyond my control - David's illness and death, my physical problems, work travails. I can't bring David back. I really am disabled - although I do know there is more I can and will do to become more physically able. And I can't change the past and how I behaved toward and was treated by employers. Because circumstances are out of my control, the only thing I can do anything about is my attitude.
Sometimes I find myself depressed, lonely, hopeless. While these feelings were familiar and comfortable in the past, they no longer are. I don't want to wallow, to feel sorry for myself - at least, not for very long! And so I change my attitude. I seek to be serene, happy, content, satisfied with the life and blessings I have now. And lo and behold, I find myself gravitating toward other people or doing something positive like writing or gardening or calling someone. I no longer feel powerless and trapped by my circumstances. I find the power I do have, and exercise it. I feel better about myself for doing so.
Sometimes, I exist in circumstances that are not conducive to my being happy. Such circumstances are those that seem to force me to behave in ways contrary to my integrity, values, learning style, talents or preferred skills. If a job doesn't allow me to use my best abilities, there's a good chance I won't be happy. If I'm in a relationship with someone who is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive, I probably won't be happy. So to be happy, I need to change my circumstances.
Yet, I wonder if attitude isn't the basic factor in happiness. There's a quote by Abraham Lincoln that "most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be." If I decide that I want to be happy, I will seek circumstances that are beneficial to my mental and physical health, that contribute to my further spiritual and social growth, that feel nurturing and positive. For so long, it felt comfortable to be unhappy and complaining about everything around me. It wasn't easy to get to the point where I realized I was the common denominator in all the problems I had or faced. I resisted for many moons the knowledge that I could take action to change my circumstances if I was dissatisfied. It took great pain for me to understand that I could leave dissatisfying relationships, jobs, environs - or I could accept that I was exactly where I was supposed to be and be happy in spite of unsatisfactory circumstances.
When I made the decision to be happy, when it felt more comfortable to be happy than to complain, it became clear that even awful circumstances couldn't make me unhappy. Circumstances no longer had the power to control my mood and attitude. And by accepting where I was and coming to understand why I was in a certain situation, I was finally able to change my circumstances to more salubrious ones. Paradoxically, my decision to be happy no matter what allowed me to create happier circumstances.
This shift in attitude, this desire to seek a state of happiness regardless of circumstance has stood me well as I face circumstances beyond my control - David's illness and death, my physical problems, work travails. I can't bring David back. I really am disabled - although I do know there is more I can and will do to become more physically able. And I can't change the past and how I behaved toward and was treated by employers. Because circumstances are out of my control, the only thing I can do anything about is my attitude.
Sometimes I find myself depressed, lonely, hopeless. While these feelings were familiar and comfortable in the past, they no longer are. I don't want to wallow, to feel sorry for myself - at least, not for very long! And so I change my attitude. I seek to be serene, happy, content, satisfied with the life and blessings I have now. And lo and behold, I find myself gravitating toward other people or doing something positive like writing or gardening or calling someone. I no longer feel powerless and trapped by my circumstances. I find the power I do have, and exercise it. I feel better about myself for doing so.
Labels: acceptance, attitude, decisions, happiness, life, my power, problems, serenity
posted by julieannerickson at 10:40 AM
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