About Why I Tweet on Twitter

Re Facebook, there are so many people uncomfortable with the degree of exposure, esp. unwitting exposure. I told a friend that I posted a photo of her and she very gingerly asked if I'd be OK taking it off - which of course I was. My impulse was to include her in "my life" so she wasn't mad, she just reminded me that she values her privacy. As her friend, I want her to be comfortable, so down it came. I have the photo, that's all that matters.

I tweet because I am at home all day, talking on the phone to people, and generally connecting to the world via the web. It's been a lot of fun. I learn a lot about what's going on in the cyberworld, social marketing, "HUGE money making opportunities!" that require a whole lot of hard work (no one ever tells you that...), free services, funny videos and websites (www.icanhascheezburger.com is one definitely worth a visit - LOL cat pictures and captions).

Twitter keeps me in touch with the world, sparks my imagination, gives me information to pass on to several people I'm helping with their job searches, gives me stuff for blog posting - I am turning into a writer. You may or may not know I'm officially disabled (SSI and everything) after several back operations and hip replacement - while it's very frustrating not to be as mobile as I want to be, I have found these cyber-outlets that save my sanity.

Otherwise, I doubt I'd do all this!

Really, all Twitter is, is the answer to the questions "watcha doin'?" and "a penny for your thoughts..."

about resentment

Sometimes I need to vent and then accept that I’ve made the choice to do something, and either I change my mind or decide to roll with it without resentment (re-sent[i]ment – refeeling my anger, hurt, disappointment).

A couple of summers ago, my mom disinvited me to join them for vacation because “there isn’t enough room” – every other member of the family was going to be there, so I couldn’t go. I was so hurt. Yet I wasn’t willing to talk to my mother about it, because after 50 years of experience being her daughter, I understand that she had no idea what she did and could blame me for taking it so personally. I didn't want to risk being hurt again.

The problem was that I iced her out, being very cold to her in family gatherings after that – and it was so noticeable that my father told me to cut it out – something he almost never does. I had a decision: do I talk to my mother about it? Or do I truly accept that she is who she is, and then give up the right to hold that against her? I chose the latter. I decided to act as if everything was normal, and eventually it became normal. She didn’t want to know why I was behaving that way, she just wanted me to stop being mean to her.

If I’m not willing to work with the other person to try and make it right, I simply need to work it through myself (with friends, of course!) and not take out my feelings on the person who injured me. It does hurt them, so I get that satisfaction from revenge. However, if I love them, it's not satisfying for very long. Plus, I don't want to be so obvious in my feelings. And I want to grow up! To accept that I don't have to act on my feelings, that I can accept the limitations of other people just as I want them to accept mine.

Binge Signals

I listen to my binge voice but am learning not to heed it, if that distinction makes any sense. It needs to be aired because it is a source of information for me.

If I want to binge, what's going on? Am I hungry and perhaps have gone too long between meals/snacks? Or did something happen in the world that triggered one of those feelings over which I binge? Am I lonely, or feeling inadequate, not enough, incompetent, despairing? Those are my big triggers.

Identifying the underlying cause for a "binge signal" allows me to take appropriate action (as long as I'm willing to do so!). When hungry, eat a piece of fruit and/or some protein. When emotional, call a friend or write in my blog or go outside or clean the kitchen sink or draw a picture - whatever it is that will feed my soul and help me feel whole and enough.

Honestly, I have come to the conclusion that we are the only ones who know what works for us. Experts have tons of great ideas and suggestions, and I thank them for them. Then I go ahead and test them out. Some work for me, others don't. It's up to me to pay attention and make choices based on my self-knowledge and experience. I've learned how to lower the chatter in my head, to say "thanks for sharing, now I've got to move on!"

Step Two

Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I came, then I came to, then I came to believe. That was my process.

When I joined Al-Anon, I'd been in another 12 Step program for a year and thought it should be easy for me to work the Steps in Al-Anon. I was way too optimistic. It was challenging for me to understand that I was powerless over people, over people with alcohol in them, and over alcohol in people. That was the nature of my insanity - that somehow I could control or influence an alcoholic's choices, attitudes and behavior - especially regarding me.

So first I came to Al-Anon. I sat at meetings, listened and gradually started learning about my co-dependent disease of alcoholism. It was very different from active alcoholism, for it involved hyper-responsiblity instead of the alcoholic's irresponsibility. It involved hyper-vigilance instead of the alcoholic's search for
oblivion. And it involved a firm, even stranglehold grasp on reality instead of the alcoholic's journey into fantasy. Weren't these things good? What could be bad about being responsible, vigilant and realistic?

I came to see that those traits are not inherently bad - in moderation. I was not exercising moderation, however. This was evident in the amount of anger, frustration and disappointment I suffered "because of" other people's behavior, attitudes and choices. My well-being was affected by other people to a very unhealthy extent. And I was responsible for that. I minded other people's business instead of minding my own. I came to see that as insanity.

Eventually, I came to believe that I could be restored to some kind of sanity. I came to believe that there is a power greater than me on whom I can call for strength and wisdom. I saw other people detach themselves from other people who repeatedly hurt and disappointed them, stand back and let their alcoholic partners or children experience the consequences of their drinking, and work on their own
character and choices FIRST. I came to believe that if I kept the focus on myself and used the Al-Anon tools, I too would gain serenity and happiness.

And that is what happened to me. Today, I understand and accept that I am powerless over others, and that the key to my happiness is minding my own business.

Executive Pay Limits

Obama Calls for ‘Common Sense’ on Executive Pay calls for another way to look at pay. Maybe it's time for for-profit folks to have the same kind of scrutiny that non-profit executives have had for a long time.