about how guilt is useless

I was told a long time ago by a very wise woman that guilt is a useless emotion, because guilt is what you feel when you do what you want to do, instead of what someone else wants you to do.

So now I know that anytime I feel guilty about doing something, it's something I really want to do and someone else just doesn't like it or want me to do it. And I go ahead and do what I want to do. Otherwise, I could feel resentful that I've put my life on hold. Since I seek a life free of resentments, it's always better to for me to "keep the focus on myself" and follow my heart and instincts.

If the other person is really upset, that's something for them to experience. Detachment is the tool I use to allow me to witness their upset, be compassionate toward them as they work themselves up into feeing upset, and continue taking the actions that I need to take to live a content, fulfilled life.

about acceptance

My struggle for years was to accept life on life's terms and accept that I always am exactly where I need to be. Today, I live in acceptance that everything in my life is perfect as it is today.

Sure, things change, so my life changes over time. I accept that, and find that the changes give me the chance to continue practicing acceptance of life on life's terms. As long as I stay in today, in the now, I'm serene. I much prefer serenity to the chaos and drama that characterized my life before finding a spiritual solution!

I think I came to acceptance as the solution because it was the only way left to me. After being in recovery for a few years, I grew to understand that other people were beyond my control and so too was the external world. The only control I have is over my response to people and situations. I don't even have control over my emotions - all I can do is decide how I'm going to express them. And I have control over my attitude toward life in general.

After so much frustration and anger and disappointment, I was forced into turning my life and my will over to the care of my Higher Power, and then into praying for God to remove the defects of character that set me up for the frustration, anger and disappointment.

I always envision "turning over my life and will to God" as allowing myself to be cradled in the loving arms of my God (the one I understand, not anyone else's). This gives me an amazing sense of relief - I am not alone, nor do I ever have to be alone again, carrying the weight of the world on my back and shoulders. I start to breathe freely, and to risk doing things differently - because I know I'm OK and always will be OK from now on. I'm on my right path after doing this, and no harm can come to me ever again. Even pain will be a blessing and a teacher, something I can use in my journey to grow and help others.

Asking God to remove my defects of character is where I throw up my hands, tossing my pain, cares, worries and feelings of inadequacy and soul-sickness into the air and say "OK, God, it's all yours! I can't handle it anymore, so I'm giving it over to you." Somehow, that total surrender brings about a miraculous alchemy. I find myself responding, not reacting. I find myself accepting instead of fighting against. I find myself serene instead of depressed or angry.

Acceptance of the God of my understanding is key to my acceptance of myself as I am now, of life as it is right now, of people as they are now. Acceptance doesn't mean tolerating abuse or discontent or unfulfilling situations. It simply means that I accept that this is how it is right now. And from that acceptance, I am able to take action, make a change, trust my gut and intuition, and take the next right step toward my being of most use to God and my fellow human beings. I'm on a path, after all, so will always be moving.

about the "Five Biggest Problems Facing World Today"

Poverty and economic inequity are huge problems in today's world, as is global warming.

Poverty and economic inequity (inequality) are pretty fundamental problems. I think they can be reduced given the right political will. And that's where I always run up against the reality of today's capitalism and political systems. There's little tangible reward for reducing poverty - the reward tends to be a feeling rather than monetary gratification. And it takes a big person to go for the feeling over the money. Then there's the pesky reality that people who are more economically empowered end up wanting political power. And elites do not like giving up their power - it doesn't happen without a fight.

Similiary, solving global warming involves the elites giving up some control over resources. It's no surprise to me that solar and wind energy are more prevalent now that the energy companies have figured out how to monetize those renewables.

As I write this, I feel so cynical. And yet I'm probably more hopeful about the state of global warming now that the multi-nationals are investing in renewables.

Solving global warming and poverty will require much more, though. They'll require a fundamental shift in how humans relate to each other, to ourselves, to the earth. I think that there are two things going on: first, people want to get "theirs" first, take care of themselves first. The "more, more, more" mentality makes it difficult for us (because I have to include myself in this) to know when we have "enough." Second, I think it's hard for people to feel empathy and generosity with people they may not feel are like them. Separation across ethnic, national, gender, education, socio-economic lines makes it easier to a) ignore other people's needs; b) feel superior to other people and thus entitled to more than "they" get; and/or c) take from others for ourselves.

This attitude gives rise to oppression of various sorts, genocide, war. So "separation" or "us/them" is a huge problem for our world, that keeps up from cooperating and sharing both scarce resources and ideas for creating new abundance and solutions for our shared planetary problems.

I believe that people accepting responsibility for our own individual lives is the best place to start healing the world and solving inequities. Yet people with few resources are at the bottom of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and thus have far less leisure or capacity to focus on "self-actualization." What about the rich and powerful, though? Far more than their basic needs are met, yet there's a remarkable lack of self-examination and spiritual development that allows people to say "I am OK, I have enough, I am on earth to help and live in harmony with others."

So I see spiritual impoverishment as one of the big problems facing humanity, as well as addiction. Addiction - to substances, sex, power, anything that takes us out of ourselves and into a different reality - is antithetical to self-examination. It's impossible for someone in another reality to start accepting and understanding the world as it is. And addiction is all about "more." Fear is usually at the root of addiction - fear of not having what we want or of losing what we have. Spiritual development is the antidote to fear.

I'm not talking about organized religion here, nor about cults. I'm talking about finding our own individual paths to tapping into our own higher selves, the self that is connected to other people, recognizes and celebrates that connection, and acts from serenity instead of fear.

about anger and resentment

For a long time, I didn't know I was angry. I was depressed. When I first heard "depression is anger turned inward," I knew it rang true yet could not apply it to myself yet. That was a turning point, however, for I got permission to look inside myself for emotions.

To me, depression isn't really an emotion. It's a symptom of some other emotion that I'm not ready to feel. So feeling depressed came to be a clue that something else was going on inside me - something I needed to discover. The discovery process involved meditating, talking to my sponsor and program friends, and writing in my journal.

Over time, I realized I was angry - at pretty much everything. Perhaps most of all, I was angry at myself for ignoring myself.

Then I discovered that anger was in turn a mask for something else - usually hurt and sometimes sadness. Anger felt better - more energizing, more active, more outwardly focused. Hurt was very difficult for me to acknowledge and feel - I felt too vulnerable. And if I was hurt, then I needed to do something to protect myself.

Anger was a very effective way to protect myself from other people hurting me. The problem was it also pushed away people's love and care. So I needed another way to protect myself. This prompted me to explore boundaries, setting limits, speaking up for myself, telling other people "ouch, that hurt" and engaging in the sometimes quite difficult and painful conversations to resolve a situation. And it meant learning to forgive people who didn't intend to hurt me, and even those who did. Because I can no longer live with anger and resentment.

Resentment for me is "re-feeling" emotions over and over again. I know I'm still resenting someone or something when I feel the same humiliation or shame or fear or hurt. So it, too, is a clue for me that I still have some unresolved issues. Perhaps I need to make amends. Or forgive. Or keep talking things out to air and lighten my
burden. Or all three.

And sometimes I need to feel sad. Sadness is for me the emotion of acceptance and powerlessness. There's nothing to do with sadness except feel it.

I am sad that my six year old nephew is dead, killed by brain cancer. I was angry at the cancer for a very long time - and still feel it once in a while. Then I remember that I was and am powerless over his cancer and he's still gone. And I am incredibly sad about that. I'd rather feel angry, because then I can look outside myself and feel powerful in my righteousness. Unfortunately, anger is useless in this
situation. Sadness it is.